No More Lies
by woodster93
Summary: Elliot has been living a lie for years, but its time for him to come clean. How will his family and his friends react to his news. Set around Season 7. A few twists, hopefully a bit different. Never good at summeries as I never want to give to much away.


**Chapter 1**

**George Haung's office**

"I know it's wrong to have these feelings."

"Why is it wrong?"

"He's married, he has four kids, we work together, I shouldn't be looking at him not like that. I shouldn't have feelings for him like this."

"If I'm not mistaken, he is going through a divorce; he has been apart from his wife for over a year now. So why can't you look at him have feelings for him?"

"I just can't Doc."

Haung smiled "How do you not know that he doesn't feel the same for you?"

"Very funny Doc."

"What so funny about it?"

"Maybe because we don't even talk lately and when we do all we do is argue, it's like he hates me… and I don't know what to do about it. I have never felt like this before and it scares me. I just don't know what to do about it."

**4 days later at the Precinct.**

"Hey…. "Yelled Olivia following Elliot out the interview room. Hey…."

"He doesn't know anything," said Elliot storming down the corridor away from Olivia

"Have you got something to say to me, cause if you do let's hear it?"

Elliot stopped walking and turned back round to face her anger all over his face, "Why didn't you shoot Gitano?" he asked walking back towards Olivia.

"He was using the child as a shield."

"How could you let him get so close to you?

"There were innocent civilians around I couldn't get off a shot."

"Well, he got close and Ryan's dead.

"So this is my fault?" asked Olivia shocked and angry at his suggestion.

"You know I can't do this anymore," he said turning around and walking away from her. "I can't be looking over my shoulder making sure you're okay."

"You son of a bitch," yelled Olivia back at him following him down the corridor. "You know that's not true." Elliot spun round to face her again.

"I need to know you can do your job and not wait for me to come to the rescue."

"All right that's enough," yelled Cragen stepping between them. They both stood as Cragen yelled at them to get back to the case neither really hearing what he was saying as the both glared at each other.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They both left the station and headed down to see Warner. Olivia looked across at Elliot as he drove.

"What the hell is going on with you?" she asked him after a while. "I didn't deserve that back there."

He looked over to her. "I'm sorry…. I just have a lot going …. I hardly get to see the kids any more, all we ever seem to do is work….I'm just tired Liv."

Olivia looked over at him. She knew there was something else going on in his head. "What else El?" she asked him. "I know not seeing the kid's is tough, but you never blow up at me like that, what else is going on?"

He looked at her and bit his bottom lip, "It's complicated," he told her. "And I'm scared you wouldn't understand, god I'm not sure I understand," he said not looking at her.

"So try me, were supposed to be friends….. Best friends and lately it's like I don't even know you."

"I'm sorry, Liv. My head is just a total mess and I don't know what to do about it….. I will tell you, I promise. I just need to sort it all out in here first," he said tapping his head.

"Well you know where I am if you need me or when you're ready to talk..."

Elliot nodded and kept his head facing forward. He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her about all these confusing feelings he has hidden away inside him, but he can't. He can't admit it all to himself yet, so how the hell can he tell her.

**8 days later George Haung's office.**

"So have you told him how you feel yet?"

"No…. things have been a bit crazy at work….. I haven't really spoken to him for the last week or so."

"Whys that?"

"I don't know. I look at him and he just seems so angry all the time. He doesn't really talk to anyone at work anymore."

"Maybe you should try talking to him?"

"And say what, Hey Elliot I know your life is totally fucked up right now, however I think you should know that I have feelings for you, and I think about you all the time."

"What you don't think that will go down to well," smiled Huang.

"I don't think so. He has so much going on at the moment he doesn't need me adding to his problems."

"Well it's not good for you to keep it all bottled up either."

"Well I'm not am I doc, I'm off loading it all on you."

**George Haung's office later that day.**

"How's it going Elliot?"

Elliot shrugged. "I have been ordered to speak to you, so how do you think its going?"

Haung watched Elliot as he paced the room.

"Elliot you have been coming to speak to me for months now on your own accord, so is there really that much difference now you have been ordered to?"

Elliot shrugged again. "I guess not." He slumped onto the couch and lay back rubbing his eyes. "I'm just so tired."

"Have you spoken to Kathy since you were last here?"

"Yeah," he said without moving.

"And how did it go?"

"Great…. Just great, she was really understanding. Wished me good luck for the future and said she hoped I was happy."

Haung stared at him, as Elliot sat forward and sighed. He lent forward and rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head forward, he lifted his head and looked at Huang tears in his eyes.

"She hates me, she punched and slapped me, screamed in my face and told me I would never see my kids again. I just stood and took it all. I never said a word, how could I?"

"You know she can't do that. You have rights."

"Yeah I know, but do I really want to put my kids though all this… they might hate me as well when they find out," he said a tear falling down his face.

"Elliot you have done nothing wrong," said Haung leaning forwards towards him and placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Except I have Doc. In the eyes of god I have betrayed my wife; I can understand why she hates me."

"Elliot you haven't betrayed your wife. You haven't acted on your feelings."

"It doesn't matter Doc. I have thought about it, I have wanted to so many times."

"And why didn't you?"

"Because I loved her, and I love my kids, I didn't want to hurt them. I don't want to hurt them."

"Elliot you have had these feeling for years now and never acted on them, what's changed. Why now?"

Elliot looked up at Haung and met his eyes "Because my feelings have gotten too strong. I tried to ignore them at first, but they just took over. I found myself wanting them more and more. I would make love ….. No I would have sex with my wife and it's not her I would be seeing below me."

Elliot shook his head as though to clear his thoughts. "I need to go," he said standing up.

"Same time next week," said Haung knowing it was no good trying to make him stay.

Elliot nodded "Unless something happens," he said trying to smile.

**3 days later at the precinct**

Elliot sat back in his chair, he hadn't been getting much sleep lately, he stayed up most nights drinking when he wasn't at work, and he was so tired. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back against the chair, within minutes he was asleep.

Olivia looked over at him and grinned "hey Fin," she said quietly not wanting to wake him. "Check out sleeping beauty," she smiled.

Fin looked over and shook his head. He knew Elliot was going through a lot, and he had watched him take it out on his partner and anyone else who got in his way, including himself.

"Yeah well don't disturb him, if he asleep he isn't bitching at anyone."

"Come on Fin, we all know he is having a bad time of it lately, just cut him some slack."

"I am Liv."

"Yeah so what was that yesterday, I thought the two of you were going to come to blows."

"Yeah well maybe Elliot friggin Stabler isn't the only one with things on his mind, we all have problems Liv, we just keep them to ourselves and don't take it out on the people around us." he snapped.

"Yeah okay," she said dropping the subject and carrying on with her paperwork.

xxxxxxxxx

_Elliot shuddered as he felt the lips wrap themselves around his hard cock and suck him in. He looked down and watched the top of the head as it bobbed up and down taking him deeper and deeper, as he felt their tongue lick the slit on his cock._

_"Fuck that feels so good," he murmured as he pushed his hips forward, "So fucking good baby." He felt his cock throbbing as he came closer and closer. "I'm gonna come," he groaned. "I can't hold on."_

_"So come I want to taste you," they said. Elliot gripped the top of their head and pulled them to him…_

"EL! EL!" yelled Olivia waking him up. He jumped up and nearly fell off his chair.

"What?" he asked looking around; he saw Olivia and Fin looking at him. He glanced down quickly and saw the bulge in his trousers from the hard on he had gotten from his dream. he pulled his chair forward to hide it with the desk.

"Good dream?" she asked grinning, looking over at Fin who just shook his head.

"What the fuck you going on about!" he snapped starting to go red.

"Well it sounded like it from all that moaning," she teased as she sat back in her chair. "So come on who was the lucky lady, who got all that pleasure in your dream."

Elliot felt his hard on start to shrink as embarrassment took over. "You know what, fuck you Liv," he said standing up quickly from his chair pushing his desk forward and knocking Olivia's desk into her.

"El," she said standing up and grabbing his arm as he went to walk past her. He stopped and glared at her.

"Get your fucking hand off me," he growled at her.

"El, I was joking," she told him not removing her hand. Elliot looked down at her hand.

"I said get the fuck off me," his face was only inches away from hers. "Now!"

Olivia let go of his arm and he stormed away from her and ran up the stairs towards the cribs. Olivia watched him go and went to go after him.

"Liv," said Fin standing up. She looked at him with tears in her eyes.

"I was only joking," she said to him.

"I know Baby girl, why don't you let me go."

She nodded and sat back down "Tell him I'm sorry."

"Hey he is probably up there now hitting the hell out of locker feeling like shit for talking to you like that."

"Yeah maybe," she said. Fin rested a hand on her shoulder and gave it a squeeze and headed up to the cribs.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Fin opened the door and put his head into the room. Elliot was leaning against the top bunk of one of the beds. He looked up when he heard the door open and close, expecting to see Olivia he was shocked when he saw Fin.

"Leave it alone Fin," he said going to his locked and opening it, looking for his gym kit.

"Can't do that man, Baby girl didn't deserve that."

"Yeah well maybe she should just learn to keep her mouth shut."

"Stabler she was joking man."

"Yeah well I didn't fine it fucking funny," he snapped slamming his locker shut as he grabbed hi gym kit. He turned and glared at Fin. "I don't need her taking the piss out of me in front of everyone."

He went to walk past Fin to the shower room to get changed. Fin grabbed his arm and stopped.

"Elliot it was only the three of us, what the hell is wrong with you. You have been in a pissy mood for weeks, snapping at everyone, punching perps… Liv told me about what happened with Gitano in that warehouse…"

"What the hell did she say?" he asked facing Fin.

"She said you tried to make her take the shot, she said it was like you wanted to die."

Elliot pulled his arm away from Fin and looked at the floor.

"Elliot, tell me that's not what you wanted."

Elliot just stood in silence.

"Just leave me alone Fin, I don't need this shit," he said walking past Fin. Fin stood for a moment before following him into the changing room.

"Elliot, tell me you didn't want Liv to shoot so you would die."

Elliot ignored him and undone his shirt pulling It off and throwing it on the floor

"Hey," said Fin pulling on his arm spinning him round. He didn't see Elliot's arm move, as Elliot's fist connected with his face, and his head snapped to the side.

"I said to leave me the fuck alone!" he yelled.

Fin glared at him. "Fuck you," he said wiping the blood from his lip. "You think you're the only one with problems. Does it ever cross your mind that we have our problems," he pushed his hands against Elliot's chest making him stumble backwards. "Did you ever wonder how Liv might have felt, as you begged her to take the shot." He pushed him again.

"Don't fucking push me" said Elliot his voice low and threatening.

"Why what you gonna do scream in my face, put me down like you do Liv. Does that make you feel good? Your fucking pathetic. She stands by time after time," he yelled in his face. Elliot just stared at him. "Here," said Fin undoing his gun from his belt and forcing it into Elliot's hand.

"If your life is so bad that you want to end it, then do it….. put the gun in your mouth and pull the trigger."

Elliot looked down at the gun and moved it round in his hands.

"Well what you waiting for!" yelled Fin. "You not man enough, you need a woman to do it for you….. "

"Fuck you," said Elliot cocking the gun and putting a round in the chamber, his eyes never leaving Fins.

"So what you waiting for?" asked Fin. "Just do it."

Elliot took the safety off and raised the gun putting it against his forehead. "I'm pathetic," he said his voice just above a whisper. "My wife hates me, my kids probably hate me, I'm better off dead."

Fin started to panic as he looked into Elliot's eyes as he talked.

"Why does Kathy hate you?"

"Because I'm a pathetic liar, she will be better off without me, it would be best for everyone if I wasn't here."

"And what about Liv, you think she will be better off. You're her best friend Stabler the only family she has ever known. Do you really think she could live without you?" He saw Elliot's eyes fill with tears and his hand with the gun in shake. He reached up and gently put his hand on the gun, taking hold of it. Keeping his eyes on Elliot's face he took the gun from Elliot, he put the safety on and threw it down onto the bench. He let out a deep shaky breath and his eyes filled with tears as he watched Elliot breaking down in front of him.

He could feel Elliot's body trembling," I don't know what to do Fin, everything is fucked up, I am so fucked up." Elliot dropped his head and cried.

Fin reached up and put his hand on the back of Elliot's neck and squeezed it gently. "Hey were all here for you, no matter what it is….. you can talk to me El. I know we have never been the best of friends, but that didn't mean I didn't care about you, that I do care for you."

Elliot lifted his head and looked into Fins eyes. He felt Fins fingers gently stroke the back of his neck and felt goose pimples cover his body.

"You hate me Fin." He said his voice trembling.

"I have never hated you El," he said his voice quiet, just above a whisper, he felt his chest get tight. Elliot dropped his head forward and rested his forehead against Fins.

"You didn't?" he asked him resting his hands on Fins waist, he couldn't believe he was doing this, that they were stood so close and he wasn't pulling away from him.

"No…. well maybe at first, you were a bit of a dick."

"And now?" asked Elliot. "How do you feel about me now?"

"What….what do you mean," he stuttered as he felt Elliot's hand moved up his side, he couldn't believe this was happening, he tried to control his breathing as he felt Elliot's fingers over the top of his t-shirt.

"Simple question Fin," he whispered as their faces became closer.

Fin swallowed hard "I … I ….."

"Say it," said Elliot. "what the fuck did you mean?"

"El….."

"Just fucking say it…. please," he begged.

"I want you," breathed Fin. "I don't know when or how it happened, but I want you and it's driving me crazy."

"I want you to," said Elliot as his lips brushed over Fins, making him gasp, "I have for so long," he said as he crashed his lips hard against Fins and pulled his body close to his.


End file.
